by Cindy Hultine, Set Me Free Ministries Hospitality Coordinator
This has been a difficult time for me. I have good days and bad, and I have good moments and moments that are, well, not so good.
It began about a year ago. I was a stay-at-home mom of two girls and had been for eight years. And then my youngest went off to kindergarten. All of a sudden, I wasn’t quite sure what my role was. And although I was in the process of trying to find a job outside of the home and the Lord provided an outlet through taking care of babies a couple of hours a week at church, I still felt an emptiness.
The time at home became very difficult for me. The quietness and emptiness of the house was often unbearable. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was slipping into a depression.
The only thing I knew to do was seek the Lord, so I did. I felt Him reassure me that He was with me and that I simply needed to trust Him and wait on Him.
As I waited on the Lord, I received the job I had applied for. That was good news; however, I also knew that it was time to visit my doctor. As I pressed into the Lord, He confirmed that there was something more to this depression than a touch of the blues. My doctor prescribed an antidepressant.
I felt very ashamed and confused. Why was I, someone who loved the Lord and turned to Him with everything, struggling with depression? Had I failed? Did I do something wrong? But as the medication started to work, I felt much better. I began opening up and talking to others about my battle. I discovered very quickly that I wasn’t alone. I discovered that my depression wasn’t a result of something that I was or wasn’t doing, but the result of a chemical imbalance—a lack of Serotonin.
Today, I have God, friends, work, and ministry, and yet, I still have bad moments.
My life is good. I have a great husband and great kids. There are no circumstances in my life that have caused this depression. And the longer I spend on this journey, the more I see that there have been signs of depression my entire life.
I am truly thankful I have the Lord. Even on my most difficult days, I know He is walking with me.
I continually lean on scripture. Philippians 4:13 says, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” And when I seek the Lord, He always comes through. Perhaps not with a miraculous healing, but He walks me through the darkest valleys. Psalm 23 says, “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.”
God has provided Himself, His Word, friends who understand, doctors with expertise, and countless other resources. I praise His Great Name for each blessing and every provision.
Those who sow in tears
Shall reap in joy.
He who continually goes forth weeping,
Bearing seed for sowing,
Shall doubtless come again with rejoicing,
Bringing his sheaves with him.
When we sow tears, we will reap joy, and we need to allow ourselves to sow those tears so we can reap that joy.
If you or a loved one is struggling with depression, please seek medical attention. Living in the midst of depression and not addressing it is no way to live and be victorious in Christ.
Praise God that we serve a God who walks with us even in the darkest of times.
“For His anger is but for a moment, His favor is for life; Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.”
~ Psalm 30:5